If Only: The Enemy of Happiness

We are all aware of what “if only” means. These are mere thoughts but they can do a lot of damage because they are sneaky and greedy. I am certain that every person thinks the “if only” thoughts every now and then. I do. Some of us may think of these to a greater extent. Some may think, laugh and move on. Some may have managed to be happy with what they have and with practice discarded these thoughts even before they pop up.

Speculation is a synonym of thought. Speculation – per dictionary.com – mean consideration of some subject; a single instance of consideration. The meaning is quite apt here. I have observed that such speculations creep in our minds on two occasions. One when a person is a in a big pit or when a person has everything he needs. Well, no human is ever satisfied, but there are certain things which he/she desperately wants and he has those things but in different forms! Like I have always wanted a boyfriend who would love me more than anything in this world. I have wanted friends, best friends who would not judge me for my looks or financial status but understand the purity of my heart, my loving, caring nature and my talents. I have always wanted to follow my dreams related to career and not be forced to follow my parents’ dreams. Out of these, I have the best boyfriend ever, I have soul sisters, girls whom I never imagined to be friends with; but, my career is still incomplete.

The reason I say “if only” thoughts are sneaky is because they have a “perfect peculiar” time to ruin a genuinely happy moment. Just the other day I had an “if only” thought in the middle of a house party. It was a great house party with my best friend, her boyfriend, my boyfriend and me; sitting together after a good meal sipping our drinks and making plans for our next travel destination. That is when I realized these thoughts are devil’s minions. I believe in God and devil. Devil knows exactly when to send such destructing thoughts to your mind which are like rockets that travels at light speed and explode like a timed bomb. I realized how wrong it is to think about what we don’t have and may be never will.

I relate “if only” to the devil is because it is a destroyer of my happiness. Of everyone’s happiness for that matter. We need to learn to be content with whatever we have and don’t give up our hopes. “If only” is a destroyer; whereas hope will help us achieve stuff because we desire it. My father is not a billionaire and it is not going to stop me from achieving my dreams. I hope and believe that I will be able to achieve those billions on my own merit and make sure my kids would not say “if only my parents were billionaires.” I am not as gorgeous or beautiful as Sushmita Sen or Julia Roberts (they are my favorite’s) but I am fantastic in my own way and my boyfriend, friends and family agree to that. I did not start saving money as soon as I got my first salary because I did not understand the importance of it but, better late than, never right? I

The definition of happiness is being happy. Being happy defines itself as feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. “If only” on the other hand, goes as, “used to express a wish, especially regretfully.” Ouch! I hate regrets, because there is always a choice and you need to be brave enough to make it. So, if you choose to buy a car instead of that house or marry a person selected by your parents instead of the one you love, don’t forget you made that choice. Having regrets mean that you are incapable of making those decisions which you think are going to make your life perfect. When I found this definition of “if only” I was hurt because I kept reflecting on these thoughts. By allowing “if only”, I was giving them a control over my mind and ruining my perfect, happy moments like it did at that party. I have stopped regretting because whatever is happening in my life is my decision and allowing regret is stupidity.

All I want to say is, “nobody is perfect. NOBODY!!!” Period. But there is no harm in trying. We learn through our own mistakes and trust me it is easier said than done but we’ve got to control it. I have started controlling it. I don’t have any magic mantra to discard these thoughts nor do I meditate to keep my mind clear. All I do is, when I get the “if only” thoughts I simply look at the bright side, (towards the things I already have), smile and say to myself “Yes I have it all and its perfect.” It does not work instantly but I am a patient person. Training my mind is one of the hobbies I acquired recently and I am going at it like a kid learning to ride a bicycle. I fall, I cry, I get up and start over!

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